Here's my report for the past two weeks... and then some.
The week of May 23rd, I got in 360 minutes of working out, which is my weekly goal, so that was definitely good. I also did pretty well with staying in my calorie range.
This past week, however, was basically shot. Tuesday morning, I put in an 80-minute workout. The next morning, I woke up feeling the same way he did. Neither of us have had fevers or upset stomachs or anything but, all week long, we’ve both been super congested, coughing, sneezing, felt completely drained, and, without going into further detail, spent more time in the bathroom than usual. Yeah, we must’ve caught somethin’ from somewhere. Anyways, the only workout I got in this week were those 80 minutes on Tuesday morning. =/ :: sigh :: Tomorrow, come hell or high water, I HAVE to workout. I've let my body rest all week; it's time to get back with it, even if it means working out at a super low-intensity.
Although I am a bit frustrated, I haven't stressed about it or let it get to me. Y'see, worrying, stressing, or feeling anxious (and especially about things that I shouldn’t be) are all things I’ve gotten very good at throughout my life. There have been certain times in my life when worrying/stressing/anxiety have been at a peak and have been a regular (and excessive) habit of mine; unfortunately, the past three years have been one of those times.
In addition to this, I firmly believe that my extreme shyness comes from these not-so-great habits; I’ve notice that the times in my life when my worrying, stress, and anxiety are at their peak are also the times in my life when I’ve been the least outgoing and social. Thus, having my worrying, stress, and anxiety peak again over the past few years has been quite unfortunate, seeing as I moved into a new ward a little over two years ago. I haven’t been to a single ward activity. Whose fault is that? Mine. Have I wanted to go? Yes. :: shakes head :: Doesn’t make sense, right?
Well, a few years ago, I found out that I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder when I was a little girl. My parents hadn’t kept it from me; they just thought I’d known all along. This discovery came as no surprise to me. I’m not on medication for it; in fact, I haven’t seen a doctor about it at all. (There are days when I wonder if I should though). But discovering this fact about myself has helped me put many things in my life into better perspective and, in a way, has helped me learn how to deal with my excessive worrying and stressing in better ways as I've learned more about Anxiety Disorder.
I’ve come to discover (particularly through my own experience being diagnosed with Ulcerative Proctitis three years ago) that knowing, trying to understand, and accepting our problem, along with educating ourselves about that particular problem, is just as important and just as crucial as getting the right medications/treatment/professional help. Those things all sound the same, right? I mean, duh, you have to know what the problem is before the doctor can prescribe medication for you and you have to accept that you do have that problem before you can be willing to start taking medication for it, right? Not necessarily. Seeing doctors so you can try to figure out what’s wrong with you and then just taking medications so you can get better is, in my opinion, very different from making an effort to become “acquainted” with what your body and/or mind is going through so you can know how to better cope with it and take care of yourself.
It sucked when I was diagnosed with Proctitis. Unfortunately, there’s no cure for it. In fact, doctors haven’t quite been able to figure out exactly what causes it. With me, it obviously had gotten to a point where I was forced to seek out medical help to find out what was wrong. And, now that I know what's wrong, I need to be sure I take medication when I’m having an “attack” so my disease doesn’t grow worse and spread further.
The fortunate side to all of this is that Proctitis IS manageable and it can be controlled (to a certain point), but I have to make the effort to educate myself about it and how it affects my body, and then apply and incorporate into my life those things that I learn. And, let me tell ya, it’s a constant learning experience.
Ignorance is never bliss. Yes, I absolutely wish I didn’t have the anxiety/stress problems that I do. Yes, I definitely wish I didn’t have Proctitis. But you know what? I have them and there’s nothing I can do to change that. What I can change (and what I do have control over), however, is how much I know and learn about them and what I do as a result of having that information.
Do I just sit there and feel sorry for myself and have constant “pity parties”? No. …Okay okay, some days I do. But I’ve learned each time that feeling sorry for myself and having “pity parties” don’t solve anything and don’t make anything better. In fact, they make things much worse.
I’ve also learned that these things are definitely apart of who I am and they do affect who I am, but they don’t define who I am and they don’t control who I am. …At least, as long as I don’t let them. =)
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